Then thinking about this, a phrase enters my mind. "Spare the rod, spoil the child". It comes from the King James version of the bible.

I was beaten in my youth. Not from abuse, but more to correct my behaviors. I had repeated lots of bad behaviors, so natrually I was punished for each occasion. Upon reflection, if I was punished for my bad behavior, why did I then keep doing them as if I had no control over my actions? My parents tried various ways and I think I turned out well. I was fortunate enough with my own philosophy that I had to discipline myself where my parents may have come up short, at no fault of their own. I believe that children will become spoiledif they aren't punished for incorrect behaviors.

My girlfriend and I have different opinions on this and don't talk about it in great detail, however I noticied that I haven't considered alternatives or given much more thought into her perspective.  

The attached file is from the Oklahoma state university's "guiding young children series: discipline without punishment". This is something I quickly discovered from an internet search. There are some interesting tidbits here. From the publication, this table is illuminating.

 At first glance, the left side seems a lot better than the right. However this completely depends on what kind of children you want to raise. I think that this can also be used as a starting point to assess the degree of a person's level of punishment during childhood. Low self esteem and sneaky people probably were punished to some degree. People who do the same mistakes repeatedly may have some punishment in their lives but it is not certain. Since some people brag about being punished, it would be difficult to experimentally relate the current behaviors, and the level of punishment they received as a child.

With physical and verbal punishment, it states that it usually leads to abuse. Physical punishment is shown from research to consistently cause negative behaviors in children instilling fear and resentment. It also teaches children that physical punishment is how adults handle the situation. Verbal punishment instills shame and low self-esteem. There are also psychological effects.

As for withholding rewards and penalties, it's confusing to the child. The main problem is that the child need to first misbehave in order to learn the rules. Rewards or withholding rewards ever values the rewards. Rewards via treats may over value treats and may cause psychological side effects later on. Penalties have a similar effect in that the penalties under value things. Doing strenuous physical exercise as a penalty may teach exercise to be an unwanted thing.

The alternative to punishment is:

1. Listen
2. Teach
3. Set an example
4. Be flexible
5. Discipline in private 

I agree to this because it helps to answer the question "How do I know that I'm ready to raise children?" I suppose that if you're not able or don't do the first 4, maybe 5 items yourself, then parenting may have to wait.

By placing high value on immediate obedience, the child obeys without question. The result is a child that doesn't become independent. To say that the child becomes dependent is too narrow a view.

It's an interesting read for me. But it really boils down to one thing: understanding. I try to understand things first, then act accordingly.