Why do people whine? and when they whine to another person, what are they hoping for? Then I stepped back and wondered, why do we whine at all? Perhaps there is a purpose to the whining!

People whine for a number of reasons. Some are to whine to fit in (water cooler chat), or to call attention. In essence, whining is a human expression for frustration and this may not be a bad thing, if you know what to look for.

 From my book review of "The Secret Language of Feelings", frustration happens when a strategy of satisfying a primary feeling (boredom, anger, guilt, sadness, inadequacy, stress, fear) just isn't working. This often means that a distractor is used in hopes to solve some need. If I'm feeling lonely, no amount of ice cream will solve my loneliness. Only direct contact with humans will satisfy my need. Sure it sounds simple, but ice cream tastes good.

So when people whine, what are they hoping for? Are they looking for some solution to their problems? More often than not, people just want to have someone hear their woes. And perhaps they would appreciate a distractor more than sound advice.

"Work is killing me!"

"Let's get some ice cream."

I usually hear someone complaining or whining, then I would offer up some suggestions to help solve their problems. I prefer to solve my problems directly and then move on. I find that this works almost none of the time as my advice lands on deaf ears and the complaint is still there for me to hear repeatedly. Yeah sure, it's a social call, but then again, I don't want to be around someone who has a lot of negativity most of the time. 

I personally feel that distractors are a good way to relax and pass over the problem until I'm in a better mood. For others, I'd rather give them good advice and help them fix their frustrations. So the next time I hear whining, I'll offer up a distractor, not a solution. If I hear myself whining, I'll step back and change my tactics.