We've all had relationships when we knew it was good or bad. I consider those relationships lucky, because you didn't waste your time trying to figure out if things will get better or worse. But for the rest of us, we are probably in the middle, and it causes us lots of pain because we just don't know what to do.

    Normally, most people will weigh out the good and bad of the relationship and see which side the scale will tip. The problem with this is that the scale is designed to be an objective way to see truth. When we do the scale in our heads, we are weighing out the subjective parts and will always change. This method just doesn't provide a good answer.

    In Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, Mira Kirchenbaum takes her 25 years of experience as a divorce therapist and converts it into something useful and effective. Enter the diagnostic method. She goes through a list of relationship trouble spots, provides some insight and a way to move forward through easy yes or no questions. Finally, a clear cut way to know if you're in the pits or in the bumps.

    The contains many fantastic insights and contexts and is a great read for anyone experiencing relationship ambivalence. 

• If it never was very good, it'll never be very good.
• Physical abuse means love is dead.
• If you look like you're leaving the relationship and act like you're leaving it, you're leaving it. You know best.
• If God's saying "Hey, whatever you want is okay with me" is all you'd need to feel it's okay to leave, it's okay to leave.
• Real love needs real loving experiences.
• You just can't love someone who's mean, dumb, crazy, ugly, or stinky.
• Power people poison passion.
• Humiliation is the barometer of hatred.
• You'll suffocate if the dirt hits the fan whenever you try to shoot the breeze.
• When you're married to a liar, your marriage is a lie.
• In the long run - no like, no love.
• When there's nothing left to give, there's nothing left at all.
• If someone makes your flesh crawl, it's time to crawl out of the relationship.
• If you're especially attracted to your partner, there's something special about your relationship.
• If your partner can't even see what it is about him that makes you want to get out, it's time to get out.
• If you're waiting for your partner to want to change, you're waiting for Godot.
• In a relationship with a future, people can let go of the problems they can't solve.
• It's the ability to change that turns frogs into princes.
• The bottom line is the end of the line.
• You live a life, you don't live a relationship.
• Somehow, somewhere, when you look deep in your partner's eyes you've got to be able to see yourself.
• If staying makes sense when you really check into it, it makes sense to stay.
• If leaving makes sense when  you really check into it, then it makes sense to leave.
• If someone is starting to cut your legs out from under, you, you've got to talk out while you still have legs.
• The water's too bad to drink when you've stopped drinking the water.
• Being there when it counts is respect that delivers.
• There's no need to keep something you wouldn't miss if it were gone or that you don't value when you've got it.
• Time heals all healable wounds.
• If you can't find your way back to forgiveness, you can't find your way back to each other.
• Frustration, fear, and deprivation are nature's way of telling you that this relationship is not your home.
• Beware of unmet needs so important they sow the seeds of hate.
• If getting close to your partner feels like you're getting into the boxing ring with him or her, then it's time to end the match.
• If getting close drives you apart, you can never get close.
• Fun is the glue of love.
• Sharing a passion makes it easier to share a life.
• If you don't know whether you want to stay even if nothing were wrong, then you don't want to stay.

This good book will stay on my shelf for my own reference and to help others.